Turf Tingle


Turf Tingle

Every summer we deal with snakes, ticks, allergies and now this, turf tingle. Yes, you may already be showing symptoms. Squirming in your chair, watching World Cup soccer but yet feeling oddly empty inside and unusually hyper-aware of time.

If you have one or more of these symptoms and haven’t consumed a bad taco within the last 20 minutes you have full-blown turf tingle.

It effects primarily your fellow citizens in the U.S., however there have been outbreaks in such faraway places as London. There still is some question as to how much the food in England contributes. Not to worry fellow travelers, simply hoist a warm pint and all will be better. You may however, begin to feel differently about soccer especially if you’re in the right tavern. Simply hoist a few more.

Earlier this summer I suggested that we should all stop counting down to the beginning of fall sports and enjoy the moment. You’ve performed admirably. A pat on the back old chum. You’re almost there.

We’ve grilled our burgers, dogs and corn on the cob and managed to elude damaging ourselves with fireworks. There’s only one more stumbling block in the way. That last gasp of summer getaway before you ship the kiddies off to school. Beach, mountains, Disney, grandparents or camping and in no particular order must be marked off. Then you can address your turf tingle. With school seemingly starting earlier and earlier each year that window is rapidly closing.

Frankly, it’s probably a good idea to only scratch a little bit at this point. Too much and you’ll embarrass whoever is with you in public. Then you can start applying some of the stinky salve that grandpa introduced you to when you barely came up to his knee. It helps but to be honest there really isn’t a cure for turf tingle. It’s an equal opportunity offender for men, women, young, old, children and even pets especially in families eaten up with turf tingle.

In between the afterglow of the fireworks that saturated your backyard and that final getaway there are a few pleasant distractions. Even though the Washington Nationals aren’t delivering they are hosting the MLB Home Run Derby on Monday, July 16 at 8:00p ET. Distracting and often fun. There will be plenty of entertainment watching ACC Media Days from Charlotte, July 18-19 as coaches and players talk about the upcoming season. Who will wear the most outrageous outfit this year?

Turf tingle begins to present its wretched self in its full glory at the hottest, muggiest time of the year. This is when the “squirms” begin to set in as well. The afflicted find themselves telling strangers at the supermarket how long it will be until they’re cured. Be sure to bring the kids (borrow them from a neighbor if you must) so they can post the reactions on Facebook for all your friends to see. Share the fun.

You feel that the first treatment will take forever but it’s intended to ease you into accepting your malady. It comes in the form of the Hall of Fame Game from Canton on August 2. The NFL is dishing up an early game between the Chicago Bears and Baltimore Ravens. Even knowing it’s preseason it should provide a calming effect. If you can make it one more week, ACC teams begin their fall practices and some will be full of intrigue.

By this point your turf tingle is full blown and can only be satiated with more football. The true countdown to both the regular season of college and professional (American) football is now on. Suddenly, team flags are flying out front of your house or from your vehicle. Exotic plans are made for get togethers. The rarely seen man at the stove emerges from his cave and cooks up tasty goods. That extra refrigerator becomes stocked full of beverages for thirsty fans and friends.

Oh, yes you’re feeling really good about now. Somewhere in the back of your mind you believe you’ve conquered turf tingle. But, alas my friend you’ve merely used some of grandpa’s salve to distract you from the weekly mood swings that are to come. Just remember ABC’s Wide World of Sports – The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.

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